Words have power: They can create and, destroy too. We must choose them wisely.

Our ability to speak is valuable only when we make constructive conversations. Our desires and circumstances often force us to speak harshly with others. But that doesn’t mean we can say anything and everything that we like. Be it appreciation or criticism, praise, or reprimand, we must choose our words wisely.

Let’s take a life scenario to understand more about this aspect.

Imagine you made a mistake at work, and you are regretting it. Then, as the case may be, two of your superiors, A and B, walk up to you to let you know what they think of your mistake.

Let’s say,

– A said, “I knew you were a fool. Only an irresponsible idiot like you can make such a mistake. I should not have entrusted you with that work,” and walks away in frustration.

while

– B said, “It’s ok. Don’t worry. If you knew better, you could have done better. I believe you will be better the next time. Now let’s work together to correct all that has gone wrong, and make sure it doesn’t happen again,” and waits for your response.

To err is human. We can’t say for sure as to who will make what kind of mistake. However, the way we respond to a mistake makes all the difference. If we see the response of the superior B, you may lose whatever else owing to your mistake, but surely not yourself; because you have got someone who still believes in you and wants to bring out the higher side in you.

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We need to become a supporting pillar to people at least with our words, and we must try to uplift their spirits when they are down. The same people may turn out to a supporting pillar for us in our difficult times.

Words matter a lot not only in professional life but in our personal, day to day dealings as well. Human beings are fundamentally relational creatures. What makes or breaks our relationships primarily depends on the words that we use in our conversations. In this modern age, we see that the tolerance level of people is very low. So even a little indiscretion with words can be disastrous to a relationship. Therefore, we must be careful and wise enough to use the right words, at the right time. .

The ocean is the same for all, but some find jewels and while others, stones. Similarly, a language and its words are available for all, but not everyone is able to make the right selection of words when speaking with others. That is so because the quality of our words is primarily determined by the quality of the life we live.

The ability to say the right things is not something that can be achieved by a mechanical process. Whatever we say and how we say it are the products of our experiences in life and our perception of ourselves and others in it.

We may manage to manipulate words and say something  which does not resonate with who we are. But, doing so will not make us move ahead in our life with freedom. Some day or the other, the real substance within us will surface in our talks, and we cannot fake for a long time.

When we are talking about words, it’s not only about what we speak in front of a person but also about what we speak behind their backs, and also what we speak (think) about them in our head. We need to realize that words will show their effect on the speaker first and then on the listener.

Our thoughts, words, and actions are not independent of each other. They closely influence each other. Therefore, if we are willing to improve the quality of our conversations by choosing proper words then we should keep in check our thoughts and actions. To do this, we have to let go of things that pollute our thoughts and cultivate those that nourish positive thinking.

Few undesirable things that  need to be eradicated are

• Inappropriate generalization: We should avoid using generalized phrases like, “You are always like this”, “I knew you make such blunders”, “Why do I have to tell you the same thing again and again?”, “Have you ever done any good to me?”, “You are always late”, “You don’t care for me”, etc. When we use such phrases repeatedly for someone, it becomes almost impossible to have a positive image of that person in our mind. We tend to remember more of their mistakes/shortcomings than all the good things that the person has done.

• Insensitive sarcasm: Our ego finds some kind of joy in having sarcastic conversations. This may appear funny or smart at a certain level, but sarcasm can also lead to offending someone deeply. We should know that not everyone is accustomed to taking sarcasm in their stride. Therefore, it is wise to avoid being sarcastic in any manner whatsoever. If we want people to value our words, then we should not devalue our own words by being sarcastic.

• Irrational gossip: One of the famous definitions of gossip goes like this “Gossip is that which allows you to hear/talk something that you like about someone you don’t like”. Gossiping is such a poisonous activity that it will lead to only undesirable things. When did you ever get a positive image of someone you don’t like, through gossiping? We only get more negativity about people when we indulge in gossip. Initially, it sounds sweet but degrades the way we think and talk to people, gradually. We should draw a definite line between constructive discussion and gossip.

• Indifferent behavior: Each person, no matter how s/he is related to us, is an individual with his/her own set of emotions. If we ignore their individuality in our conversations with them or are indifferent to their emotions, then we may fail to make a positive impact through our communication.

Few nourishing things that need to be cultivated are:

• Improve inner connection: To be good to others, we need to be good to ourselves. If we are always agitated, then it will not be possible for our minds to generate a positive expression through our words and actions. Peace is the austerity of mind and, to have peace we need to stay connected with the all-peaceful God through proper spiritual practices. Experiencing peace will enable us to see things as they are and respond accordingly.

• Invest in good association: The world outside is so tough that it can present new challenges every day to knock us down. We may face many impediments in our journey no matter how sincerely we want to improve ourselves. We must associate with those who are willing to walk or have already walked a similar life-improving path. Otherwise, this journey becomes almost impossible. Although it is not easy to get such an association, if we strive sincerely, then sooner or later we will be able to find people like us.

If we observe great people, we can see that they are great communicators also. They will always be well aware of the words they use. They know what can hurt and what can uplift a person. If we also embark on our journey to become wise in choosing the right words and express them in the right way, then we will be able to use our power of speech constructively enough to create a better life for us and to all those around us.

Thank you.

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